10.25.2010

LONG HAIR on WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE


Hey! I missed all the fun! Wouldn't you know it--the one time I write something that goes viral, I go missing in Utah, without a laptop. I've come home from the excellent Utah Humanities Council Festival, only to find my piece in The New York Times about having long hair at 55 jammed with comments, more than 1200 so far. I'm told they will soon close out the commentary section as the people who monitor it must move on to other subjects. I cannot wait to catch up on them, to see what nerve that hit. Mothers and daughters? Middle age? Graying hair? And here is a link for readers of Slow Love Life who missed the Times. The picture here is of my braid, which Theo took last summer; you can tell that I'm not so good at braiding. The picture in the Times is no one I know--but reminds me of a young Joni Mitchell, yes?

588 comments:

1 – 200 of 588   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

You are completely correct about long hair.

In my office, every woman--except the boss--has long hair and every woman is over 60. (The supervisor is in her mid-50s, so there's still time for her to join the gang.)

Besides the length, what some people seem to resent about my long hair is that it isn't gray, yet (a genetic gift from dear old Dad). But, it will become gray, eventually, I see it starting to change. However, cut it? Nah, just a trim to even it out, thank you.

Peggy Braswell said...

So your article in the NYTimes on Sunday. Also on french essence.com loved the article and this post.
xx peggybraswelldesign.com

Ashling said...

I'm nearly 50, with hair almost to my waist...still mostly brown, but I wear the strands of white proudly and watch for more. Years ago someone suggested I cut it, because I was 40; I laughed at such a notion then, and am more sure than ever that I want to grow old with a long white mane that whispers of defiance and claims a beauty born of age, strength and wisdom.

mydesignchic said...

Loved the article and your braid...beautiful!

Naomi said...

You should see the comments I got from women when I posted your NYT article on my Facebook page. And I thought I was the only one who was wondering where the rest of the long-haired women were!

Not sure I'd recognize myself without my long hair.

Katherine Turner said...

i love my long hair. i need to be able to braid it. it's just what feels right. and yours is beautiful! short hair just seems so . . . unpretty. but then again, long hair on guys is gorgeous too :)

Dominique said...

Dear Dom:

Your article in today's Styles section stirred long-suppressed memories. I,too had a mother who, out of love and concern, tried to control my appearance. This took place during my early years, and focused on my lower end: shoes and pants. She must have read somewhere (perhaps Parents' Magazine, the bane of my childhood), that young people were in danger of lifelong instability if proper shoes were not worn. Hence the trips to Indian Walk Footwear, where my feet were fluoroscoped (I may yet pay for this), and fitted with high-laced shoes. The kind that great-grandmothers wore. To top this off, I was then taken to a store that sold corderoy knickers. Thus dressed, I was sent off to school, to become the laughing stock of my boyhood friends.

I struggled. No chance of going shoeless and pantless to school. I settled on wearing one pant leg higher than the other, and leaving my shirttail out. This worked for a while. But one day, my 4th grade teacher took time off from her lecture on early American history, and asked me to stand beside my desk. She asked the class to look at me, as an example of deplorable appearance.

This really took hold. To this day, I will not shop for clothes. My family tries to garb me, and I guess I pass inspection. But, deep inside, the rebellion still simmers. Don't look for me in Styles. Perhaps The 100 Neediest.

Affectionately, Dick

Dominique said...

Dear Dom:

Your article in today's Styles section stirred long-suppressed memories. I,too had a mother who, out of love and concern, tried to control my appearance. This took place during my early years, and focused on my lower end: shoes and pants. She must have read somewhere (perhaps Parents' Magazine, the bane of my childhood), that young people were in danger of lifelong instability if proper shoes were not worn. Hence the trips to Indian Walk Footwear, where my feet were fluoroscoped (I may yet pay for this), and fitted with high-laced shoes. The kind that great-grandmothers wore. To top this off, I was then taken to a store that sold corderoy knickers. Thus dressed, I was sent off to school, to become the laughing stock of my boyhood friends.

I struggled. No chance of going shoeless and pantless to school. I settled on wearing one pant leg higher than the other, and leaving my shirttail out. This worked for a while. But one day, my 4th grade teacher took time off from her lecture on early American history, and asked me to stand beside my desk. She asked the class to look at me, as an example of deplorable appearance.

This really took hold. To this day, I will not shop for clothes. My family tries to garb me, and I guess I pass inspection. But, deep inside, the rebellion still simmers. Don't look for me in Styles. Perhaps The 100 Neediest.

Affectionately, Dick

izzabitz said...

I also shared the NY Times piece on my Facebook page (which is how I found your blog), and heard back from many friends that they had already decided to grow their hair out again, or that your essay inspired them to do so. It inspired me. And I'll also keep the grays, which are now relatively few in number, but I know they're multiplying in there.

Betty said...

Dominique, I enjoy your excellent and entertaining writing -- particularly the piece about long hair on older women. I am 62 (female) and have allowed my hair grow long the past 3 years to almost-to-my-waist length. My mother and sister and entire family ask me why I don't get my hair cut. I always tell them I'm letting it grow out so that I can donate it to someone who lost theirs in chemo but that's a lie. My long salt 'n pepper mane has become my secret crowning glory. It's fun to have a long pony tail or a fat bun or braid. It only requires 3 minutes every morning and a weekly shampoo. That's way better than the 30 minutes I used to spend daily hot-rollering, teasing, styling, spraying, etc. Thanks for bringing it up.

Julie said...

When I turned 30 I figured I would be able to "pull off" having my hair long until I turned 40. When I turned 40 (last year) I thought that I would hold onto my long locks until 60. By the time I hit 60, who knows? For now I need to work on embracing the gray!

Madgew said...

I am one of those who is always surprised to see "older women" with long hair. When I see them from the back I always expect a young person and am surprised when they turn around and aren't teenagers. Don't know why. I have curly hair and the longest I go it to my shoulders. Also, dressing like a teenager on an "older person" bugs me as well. But after reading various responses I see many women feel differently on women have long hair in their older years.

Patty said...

My great grandma at the age of 95 had long hair! She braided it everyday and pinned it up in a bun.But I remember looking at her, freshly showered, with her long silver mane down to her waist.
It was amazing. I too, wonder why women cut their hair. I just recently started cutting mine. I am now 40, but I mainly did it because I have SO much hair and it's a pain to wash and dry it.
But I always go back to long.
P.S. Found you thru NYT.com :D

queen_cupcake said...

Thanks for the link to your article. Without it, I would have missed it entirely.

I cut my long hair when I was 45. I am 57 now, and have been thinking I would like to grow it long again, especially after reading your article! Why not? It's thick, straight & streaked with silver. Should be impressive--well, if not, it can be cut...

Your braid is ,beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Dominique. I love your long hair. I am 63 and my grey hair is down to my butt. I can hardly wait for it to turn all white. My husband loves it too. You expressed very eloquently so many things I feel about long hair. Don't ever cut it!

Blessings,
apa

angie said...

Dominique, I have felt the same about long hair for years and was thrilled to read such a thoughtful and personal point of view. Loved it. And I think it's pretty great you were out enjoying life when it ran in the NYTimes! Good for you! BEST *a

MattPro said...

I saw your hair in the NY Times and in this blog. It looks wonderful--beautifully variegated, thick and healthy, distinguishing, and sexy. I'm 64 and haven't thought about that women over fifty usually have short hair. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I'm going to ponder this.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

I loved the piece and thought the picture looked a lot like Vanessa Redgrave. No doubt I shall always have long hair.

Traci said...

Congrats on the terrific article. I really enjoyed it.
I too am a long haired woman in NYC. Do you mind sharing contact info for Joseph, your "Madison Avenue hairdresser?" I haven't been able to get ahold of my hairdresser of 7 years, and it's been a challenge to find someone else I can trust my waist-length tresses to.
I would REALLY appreciate it! My email is tracilawson (at) gmail.com

Thanks again for the article! I'll be bookmarking it to re-read again. :)

Suzanne said...

I loved your article in the NYT. For the past year I have been letting my hair grow and I am a 48 y/o woman. It's the longest it's been in more than a decade and I love it.

Anne B. said...

Wonderful article & beautiful picture! My waist-length hair and I will be turning 50 in a few days and though the years may advance....my long hair will remain a part of who I am. (my husband loves it too!)

vicki archer said...

I loved your article Dominique and must thank you as it sparked a wonderful conversation at my blog, French Essence. I am a lover of the long by the way ......xv

Anonymous said...

Hello! Now I wish you would write something about women and men of any age and hair length, whose hair looks like it is regularly chewed on by the dog or cat!!! I am sure you all can think of a dozen people right now!!!

sallyn said...

Your hairdresser, Joseph, said we should not be using all those chemically-laden shampoos and recommended hot water rinses along with scalp massages. Does he mean NEVER wash your hair with shampoo? Only hot water rinses and massage? I am interested because I believe we put far too many chemicals into our bodies topically; but it is so hard to avoid between cleansers, cosmetics, body washes, body lotions, perfume...not to mention hair-color (still guilty).

scribbler50 said...

What a terrific article, Dominique, and being of a generation that loved the Bonnie Raitt's, Linda Rondstat's, Joni Mitchell's, et al, I couldn't agree more that the look is sexy.

Let your freak flag fly. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your article, all I ever hear from my mother is after 30 women should not have long hair! I started with the idea of locks for love, but now I am so attached it is hard for me to see myself with short hair!

Kathy said...

I learned to braid at a very young age by my great grandmother. She had long waist-long silky white hair that she'd braid and then wrap around her head and fasten with a series of thick plastic bobby pins. I continue the family tradition of long hair but alas, I made the mistake of coloring my hair when the color began to fade. Now the only thing I can do is chop it off and start over. How does one ever take that leap?

Elizabeth Westmark said...

I have been reading your words for years. Your recent New York Times piece on your long hair is one of my favorites (so far).

Tree said...

Several readers also left "hair" messages in the comment file of your birthday post - including myself.

I'll repeat the jist of it here...

Long gray hair may be the ultimate power symbol - the combnation of mature femininity and self determination - threatening the wish of many for boomer women to become less impactful with age.

Not going to happen!

Anonymous said...

Having lost all my hair in July due to chemotherapy for breast cancer, I can only swoon at the descriptions of long hair. My hair had been "only" shoulder length, but I loved the warmth, weight and movement of it. I proactively cut it off, progressively shorter, as it started to come out - and was surprised by how good I looked with very short hair. But I miss it horribly. My head is cold all the time behind my ears. People all like to say how my hair will probably come back curly - as though that is some great gift and payback for this experience. The truth is that I loved my straight salt & pepper shoulder length hair.

I think your article has inspired me to just say "grow, baby grow" - and not stop- once it comes back in. I aspire to a braid like yours.

Anonymous said...

I have thought for many years that we could be friends. After reading your long hair article in the NY Times, I am sure of it. Love to you.

Dizzythecat said...

Truly enjoyed your article, honestly think you look ravishing.
I'm 48. Male.
My wife says her hair is "too limp and mousy" for long tresses.
I tell her she's got great hair.
I asked her why she thinks her hair is a problem.
Turns out her mother told her, waaay back in the first grade, that her hair was bad.
Yikes.
The past is sometimes more powerful than the present.

britta said...

I am young, as in 22, but I came across your blog after reading the article on long hair! I look forward to reading more posts from you, and at some point, I will read you book when I have more time on my hands!

christine O'Brien said...

I got tired of trying to cover up my graying hair. most of it was all around my hairline which obviously shows first. I chopped if off and l hated it so short until it grew out. I made my daughter and friends promise me that they would let me know if it didn't look good and I never heard from anyone to the negative. I am lucky to have soft and wavy hair and it's a nice silver color. sporadically I will lust to go blond or make some change but I don't want the maintenance and my stylist is great about me loving my hair. so rare in a stylist. i think it looks great and I think men of my age and older appreciate a woman who isn't afraid of growing older. i wear it proudly!! I won't rule out a change in the future and I know my daughter will be honest with me if I can't pull it off anymore.

Kate said...

The Times article not only made me smile - because I finally let my hair grow long at age 62 after way too many years of the efficient pixie cut - it also introduced me to you and your blog. I needed this connection, this philosophy more than words can say. Thank you, thank you. Can't wait to read your new book.

J. Gill said...

Re: your long hair article (NYTimes), you are me. I'm only 2 years older than you and I'm right there with you. My mother took me to the beauty salon and had all my lovely long hair cut off and into a pixie when I was nine! I cried and cried. Did she not think I was a human and had my own thoughts on my appearance?

My sister and s-i-l both have the greyed pixies and have for years. Of course, they are 9 and 10 years older than I am but somehow, I don't see myself doing what they did.

In recent years, I have noticed, exactly like the headline of your article, that women of a certain age give themselves the pixie cut. Why? I just don't get it.

I will go to my deathbed saying: I'm keeping my long (now shoulder-length, it's too thick for me) hair! Don't you dare let the mortician cut it!!!

love your words and the way you arrange them,

Jennifer G
Seattle

Toni said...

My mom ALWAYS said that once a woman turns 40, she must cut and keep her hair short, or always wear it pulled up off her face. The reason being that the visual lines of the long hair assist gravity in pulling the aging face downward only making her look older. Hmmm. I haven't had short hair since a last unfortunate cut at 34. I'm now 56. I hate my hair short and have cried every time I've had it cut short. It always turns out to be more maintenance than when it's longer, even though the reason for cutting it has been for the purpose of less maintenance! I've worn my hair variously long in various ways---curly and straight, though it's naturally curly. The shortest I allow it to be cut must meet the requirement that I be able to make a pony tail, even a little stubby one, to keep it away from my face when needed while exercising or working intently gardening, for example. Otherwise my tresses are free! :o)

Karen said...

I started going gray in my twenties. Now I'm 53, and my hair (at least shoulder-length and often longer) is mostly gray, white, silver. Strangers still approach me and tell me how much they love my hair. I don't think it's helped me in my job search -- there is still a bias against age -- but it is who I am. I'm proud of it and refuse to color it or cut it too short. Emmylou Harris is most definitely a role model for me!

nici said...

Dominique,

I sat in on your session at the Utah Humanities Book Festival and very much enjoyed myself. Thanks for coming to Utah! I also enjoyed the NY times piece.

Nic

Anonymous said...

I began losing all of my hair at age seven. By middle school it was a distant memory. Alopecia Universalis, otherwise known as a complete loss of body hair, had claimed yet another victim. My mother chose my first wig for me, which was cut slightly above the shoulder. It was as if to say, "If it isn't really yours, don't push it."

I tried many different lengths throughout the years, one of the upswings of wigs; they change one's look instantly, but I always go back to wearing a very long style because it is so beautiful and I get the most attention from men. Sometimes I feel guilty about it because it is so showy (Mom's warning lesson), and now because I am over 40 ("it is right? is it professional?"). In the end it is my choice and my right to wear it however I want because losing it *wasn't* my choice.

My husband says that he hates it when hair gets in his face duing intimate moments. At night I take it off and sleep curled into him. He says he wouldn't have me any other way.

Ita said...

Thank you for your fine article in the NYT. I am 57 and I've been struggling to find the "right" short hairstyle for my silver locks. As it turns out, short just doesn't work for me. Your words were inspirational and just the thing to make me re-evaluate my choice. Long it is. Thanks!

Miss Jones said...

My goodness...all this talk of hair! I read the piece in the NYT and smiled (like we are old friends b/c I read the blog!) and thought about how I cannot wait for my locs (Sisterlocks - thin 'dreadlocks' for those who don't know what that means) to grow into salt and peppery glory hanging down my back! thank you for another excellent piece!

quintessence said...

LOVE that you had so many comments at the NYT (mine being one of them)! There's something to be said about that - will have to ponder about exactly what that is. I think your hair looks lovely - especially after you had it up on that rainy day!!

Thea said...

you certainly got a lot of people riled up with your nytimes article! i think women of a certain may do as they darn well please. i wish i could wear my hair long, but my hair thinned out and i have had a devil of a time with it. but more power to you all of the long tresses!

Anonymous said...

I've been enjoying Slow Love for months--I actually find myself reading it when I need to lower my stress level during the day. I've had long hair most of my life but struggled with the frustration of it never looking like the way the hairdresser styles it. Last year I decided to try a shorter style and it just didn't fit me. I grew it back out and at 45 finally learned how to dry it so it's not a frizzy mess. I am just amazed that it took so long to LOVE my hair. I also really missed not being able to twist it up with chopsticks. Now the gray is coming in fast and furious and I am not even tempted to cover it up! Thank you!

Kate said...

In response to sallyn, Rosemary Gladstar, the well-known herbalist, has said for years that we don't need shampoo EVER. Hair goes through a nasty, stinky greasy patch until detox is complete - maybe 3 weeks - but then forevermore the hair is beautiful and there is no need for shampoo ever again!

Anonymous said...

As a 44yr old male. Admittedly my hair is thinning in the front but I'm holding on as long as I can. I can tell you that short hair is so prominent among women my age and I don't think men like it. I dated a wonderful woman who'd I'd known most of my life. She keeps her hair very stylish but also short. Not only that, she would often stand or post in what I would call a "middle-aged" way. I found it off-putting somewhat. I'm not ready to be old. I want a woman who feels and thinks the same way. If how old you feel is a state of mind, why would you CHOOSE to do so? (man or woman)

mary said...

I cut off my waist-length hair at 49 when my first grandchild was born--still didn't have any gray. Now, many moons later, I've gone almost blond and love it...but in an angled bob. I think we (of a certain age) should wear our hair the way we feel inside and work at making our insides what God intended them to be -- joyful and creative. Thanks for the forum. Mary

Kimberly Merritt said...

I can still remember my waist-length hair getting chopped off by my well-meaning aunt (and mother). I cried for days.

I am now a 44-year-old woman with hair that reaches to the middle of my back, and although I do cover the grays now, I'm thinking I might want a nice wide silver streak artfully arranged around my face when I turn 50!

Colleen said...

Love your article and the number of comments it inspired. Loved that you cited Conde Nast in the number of things you may be rebelling against. SO SAD I missed you in Utah if you were here in a public way. I'm in Utah!

Colleen said...

Love your article and the number of comments it inspired. Loved that you cited Conde Nast in the number of things you may be rebelling against. SO SAD I missed you in Utah if you were here in a public way. I'm in Utah!

Anonymous said...

Your article a wonderful because we are seeing more women going against the grain . . . and I love that! Why should women cut their hair at any age? This isn't ANTM (America's Next Top Model) where they get them on the show & just F their hair up & their personalities with it.

I've always had very thick, wavy hair. I have the hairdresser trim & blow dry it but I did discover as long as you maintain your hair with a good shampoo, occasional trim & great conditioner (leave-in & rinse) your long hair should be long your entire life.

NicNacManiac said...

I remember years ago when my sister in law turned 30 or was it 40 and her mother nagged her to cut off her beautiful long tresses (as she was too old for that style)! She succumed and it was not long after that she grew those tresses back and now at 55 sports the most gorgeous locks. I also at the tender age of 48 have hair below my waist and would not want it any other way!! I get comments wherever I go and they are all favorable!! I don't know what I would do if I had to cut my hair...it is a part of me and is really a trademark for those that know me and even some that don't.

Thank you for this fabulous article, your wonky braid could not be more beautiful!! xOxO

Susan said...

Go here to read another discussion of the NY Times article as well as additional comments:

http://passagedesperles.blogspot.com/

Väva! Veve! said...

I read your NYT article. Wonderful!! It spoke to the deep down inside part of me that needs to feel strong and confident, independent and intelligent, whimsical and daring . . .but which is not, can not, or will not be those things for reasons only God knows. It was as if you dared each of us to come to terms with our age, pull on our big girl pants and get on with who we really are!! Accolades!

Sarah said...

Absolutely loved your NYT piece. I came over to your blog because of it.

I've always said, ever since I was a teenager, that I would have long hair as I age because I loved seeing older women in movies with beautiful buns or braids that they unravelled. Though part of it is that I have always felt my hair was a huge part of my identity because it's so damn red, even when the red fades I don't intend to cut it off. And like you, I kind of think that's rebellious these days.

Anonymous said...

Long hair, short hair....who cares, isn't it more about how it makes you feel?

Dominique, you are so attractive, with those killer blue eyes, it really doesn't matter what you do with your hair.

Forgive your Mum, and just keep writing. You could write about a compost pile and I'd read every word.

Thanks for just being you.
Cynthia

Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants said...

The NY Times article led me to your blog, for which I am very grateful! I am a new follower and look forward to many more inspiring posts.

--donna said...

Dear heart, I'm a half decade ahead of you and my hair is down to my knees, or beyond. And yes, most of the time it is in a braid.

I've got that Cruella Deville look in my gray streak, and yes, just one streak of gray strategically placed where the first gray hair cropped up at age 30. My best friend in the neighborhood is ten or more years my senior, and has long white hair. It looks fabulous, as does she.

It's just great to be who we are, isn't it?

Maxly said...

Maria Shriver looks fabulous -- and her 54 year old hair is LONG.

Thanks for your article--I have been debating whether to cut my hair AGAIN..under corporate pressure-self induced.

Maybe not this time.

Alice Fellows said...

Love your writing, love your hair.
One of my daughters and I both have quite long blonde hair....she's 47 and I'm 75. And I have to say, in my humble opinion, we both look great! And when it turns grey, I expect I'll keep it long then, too.

WalkingOnRoses.com said...

I loved your writing on long hair on older women. I am going on 63 and wouldn't dream in a million years of cutting it. I'm not trying to relive my past, I'm just going on with my future as I know and love it and feel comfortable in. Let's be honest - some women can 'pull it off', and some can't. I worked for years in a corporate office, mahogany row, always with long hair. I fondly recall a woman, my same age, who by the way always had very short hair, stopping me in the hallway all the time saying, "When are you going to cut your hair?" I would never answer her. After hearing this one time too many, we were in a crowded elevator and, once again, she flicked my long tresses and said, "When are you going to cut your hair?" I turned to her, looked her straight in the face and said, "Never, and do you know why??? Because I HATE short hair." She recoiled and said, "Yeah, I know what you mean; my husband is always trying to get me to let my hair grow." ... Amen. :)

Walking on Roses said...

I loved your writing on long hair on older women. I am going on 63 and wouldn't dream in a million years of cutting it. I'm not trying to relive my past, I'm just going on with my future as I know and love it and feel comfortable in. Let's be honest - some women can 'pull it off', and some can't. I worked for years in a corporate office, mahogany row, always with long hair. I fondly recall a woman, my same age, who by the way always had very short hair, stopping me in the hallway all the time saying, "When are you going to cut your hair?" I would never answer her. After hearing this one time too many, we were in a crowded elevator and, once again, she flicked my long tresses and said, "When are you going to cut your hair?" I turned to her, looked her straight in the face and said, "Never, and do you know why??? Because I HATE short hair." She recoiled and said, "Yeah, I know what you mean; my husband is always trying to get me to let my hair grow." ... Amen. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm the woman with alopecia who posted earlier....just letting everyone know Locks of Love is not worth cutting your hair for.

American women think they are being humanitarian and doing something special, but what they don't know is the number of ponytails it takes to make a wig (15-20, depending on density), and the fact that most of these donated pony tails end up in wigs these companies SELL. Peggy Knight, the founder of Locks of Love, owns Peggy Knight Solutions (a for-profit vacuum wig company)and is a marketing genius. The number of wigs donated to children each year is far less than the amount of hair donated. A lot of it is thrown away if not used right away, which is why they wind up using the hair in the pieces they sell.

Did you know millions women in Asia cut off thier hair and leave it at altars for sacrifcial reasons? People steal and smuggle this hair. Hair is a big business. There is NO shortage of hair out there.

You've spent years growing it---DON'T CUT IT FOR LOCKS OF LOVE! You won't be accomplishing what you THINK you will be.

Besides, artificial hair is cheaper and more durable, and much easier to work with. Take it from someone who knows....I am passionate about spreading the truth.

William said...

2 words for girls of a certain age: scissors and dye :)

Anonymous said...

I am even more proud of your grey hair than the length (which is lovely). Where I work I believe I am the only woman bar a few young women in their 20s who does not colour her hair. It almost feels as though I am making a political statement, rather than just, well, ageing.

Anyway, I was also intrigued by the avoidance of shampoos. I have read about this before but invariably the blogs were those from people who thought vaccines caused autism or otherwise made me wonder if they were not quite on my wavelength. Between discussions of global warming, do you mind giving us some insight into how you ditched shampoos, how protracted the transition period was and whether you use anything besides water?

BERYN HAMMIL said...

Sorry I missed commenting on this in a more timely manner, but I couldn't resist when I read all the responses in today's NY Times.

I'm a woman of a certain age, my hair is to my waist, and still its natural color. Yes, lucky me! I got the "good" hair genes. I wear it in a braided bun or pony tail, never loose.

I see a hairdresser twice a year for a protein treatment and on my last visit I inquired about a shorter style. He said he wouldn't cut it, that my style is iconic, classic, and suits me. Whew! I avoided the pitfalls of bad hair days, more hours than I have tending to it, and looking less than myself.

Thanks for supporting those of us who prefer to be individuals, and ourselves.

Anonymous said...

well as for not washing hair that is stupid if you have super oily hair. where do these hairdressers get off saying that! i have a grease head if i don't wash everyday. & i think long hair that is grey looks gross. but if it is short around face & not dyed & looks great it does not matter if you are over 40.

Anonymous said...

i mean when you have hair short around face & long at back, after 40 it is fine if you you good. but long hair can look aging & so can short hair

c said...

If long hair is what brings people to your blog, then I say it's a good thing - they WILL get to read about the real important issues if they stick around (and why wouldn't they? You have such a wonderful gift for expressing what so many think and feel).

I am 56, very few gray hairs, and reluctantly cut my long wavy (frizzy in humid weather) hair extremely short this past summer.

But the reason I cut it had nothing whatsoever to do with what society expects of middle aged women (another pet peeve - middle aged? How many of us live to be 112? I'm old, pure and simple!). Arthritis in my hands dictated I stop using a blow dryer.

Oh, how I miss my long hair!

Another thing - my short hair requires maintenance, my long hair never did.

And yes, Joni.

Cindy La Ferle said...

I love your article, your braid, your long hair. As a woman who has always loved beautiful clothes -- but resented the "fashion industry" -- I am relieved to see women who have embraced their own individual style, at any age. I am so very tired of fashion editors who tell me what is "appropriate" and what isn't for women of a certain age. I am tired of these people "shoulding" on me.

And speaking of age-appropriate, I wish I had a dollar for every time I saw a very young woman wearing something hideous that wasn't meant for her body type -- but was considered trendy.

Once I found my own style, I stopped buying silly fashion and hairstyle magazines (even ones that are supposedly geared to women my age) and decided to fully enjoy my clothes and my own style. Three cheers to you!

suzjazz said...

Hi Dominique,

As a long-haired WOACA, here are my comments (in parentheses) on a few of the the comments on your NYT article:

I think we don't see long hair on many middle aged women for a simple fact--long hair doesn't look that great on anyone.
(From the mouth of God.)

So, where was I? Oh yes, middle-aged should wear their hair short, bobbed and tamed? Dear God, you may as well put us into Eileen Fisher outfits where all the pieces were created to be worn together, homogenized like milk.
:-)

A perfect stranger stopped me on the subway recently and said, "Your face is way too young for grey hair. Maybe you should color it. You'd look 20 years younger." It was a sweet and brave thing for her to do. I appreciated her honesty. I think I'll keep it like this for a little longer.(Where were the rudeness police?)

Weeellll.... truth be told, I really don't think long gray hair does anything for any woman of a 'certain' age. It's like women (or men) who dress younger than they are ... in the end, it only ages them. I think the reason for this is the sexual connotations of long hair. On menopausal/post menopausal it is the opposite of attractive.I'm all for going gray and for natural aging but hair is another story.
(Jealous much?)
(I guess this means that a woman can't be sexual from pre-menopause on.)
Good lord. My favorite thing about being in my early late middle fifties - that's 56 in Arabic numerals - is that I just don't obsess over my looks a much as I did when I was younger. Hopefully what's in my head is a lot more interesting than what is on my head.(I am almost 58 in Arabic numerals and I am still obsessing over my looks, with the full knowledge that what's inside my head is more interesting than what is on my head.)

It seems that the author still has issues with her mother that she needs to work through. She is now 55 but is still angry at her mother for a hair cut when she was 7? Keeping your hair long, and gray, is not punishing your mother - it is merely detracting from your own looks. Be bold - go with a pixie, you will never regret it! Long hair on older women looks like a desperate attempt to hold on to youth. Youth is not wisdom - take all you have learned these 55 years and cut your hair. That would be real liberation.
(A tad judgmental, aren’t we? The description of Dominique’s haircut at 7 was harrowing: Mom obviously had a problem)

There is a drive to de-sex woman who are no longer (or barely) fertile. As if there is something disgraceful about being a woman one needs to shed as soon as possible.(Food for thought!)

On an unrelated note: I love your NY photos--makes me miss New York. p.s. excellent article--never give up your long hair.

Jessica said...

I've been wondering about this lately. My best friend and I are 39 and after wearing our hair short in our 20's we both went long and big and bushy in our 30's. She recently asked me how long we were going to be able to pull this off. And I don't get it, are we supposed to stop looking sexual, fun, flamboyant? That's who we are for goodness sake. No we don't look "professional". Apparently we look "ethnic" and it's interesting to me that that's considered a problem.

My mother and I have very similar hair and she cut hers off in her 40's and has been wearing it shorter and shorter. And I don't think it works on her. It makes her look older and harsher. I'm nice about it but I am the one bugging her to grow hers out!

Kathy said...

Celebrate your individuality with a style that looks good on you, long or short, gray or not.

Anonymous said...

God bless you Dominique. My wife is 54, and looks so much sexier now than she did at 42, when she succumbed to the age myth and pixied her locks. I've heard many women say that they regret having cut their long hair, but growing it back can be long and discouraging. Sometimes one nasty comment as the hair gets longer sends a woman back to the salon for life. To my eyes, this is extremely sad and needless.

Joan Gage said...

I used the debate and excitement over your NYT piece as a jumping off point for my current (Dec. 2) blog post: "Older Women and Long Hair--In the Olden Days" in which I recap Victorian attitudes toward the subject. Think you'll be amused by it. I've also linked to your blog on my "favorite blog list".

Joan Gage
http://www.arollingcrone.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

buy valium online no prescription cheap valium pill identifier - effects of valium erowid

Anonymous said...

ambien ambien cr generic us - ambien for sale online no prescription

Anonymous said...

diazepam dosage for dogs diazepam 10 mg bijsluiter - want buy diazepam online

Anonymous said...

generic zolpidem ambien side effects tingling - can u buy ambien

Anonymous said...

generic zolpidem zolpidem 10mg alcohol - side effects of zolpidem

Anonymous said...

ativan online ativan erowid - ativan dosage supplied

Anonymous said...

generic zolpidem zolpidem side effects vision - buy zolpidem online canada

Anonymous said...

buy valium online valium no rx overnight - much does generic valium cost

Anonymous said...

buy xanax bars online no prescription illegal order xanax online - xanax side effects mayo clinic

Anonymous said...

diazepam 5mg diazepam 10mg snort - diazepam urinalysis

Anonymous said...

buy zolpidem online zolpidem 93 74 information - zolpidem side effects during pregnancy

Anonymous said...

buy diazepam what do 10 mg diazepam look like - diazepam dosage insomnia

Anonymous said...

generic alprazolam xanax bars 555 - xanax dosage gad

Anonymous said...

xanax no prescription buy xanax online yahoo answers - pills that look like xanax bars

Anonymous said...

buy ativan how many 1mg lorazepam - buy ativan online pharmacy

Anonymous said...

buy ativan lorazepam 1 mg identification - treatment for ativan addiction

Anonymous said...

buy ativan online overnight ativan order - ativan dosage for high

Anonymous said...

discount xanax xanax 2mg info - xanax pills what do they look like

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online ambien cr 6.25 mg tablet san - order ambien europe

Anonymous said...

buy cheap soma carisoprodol 350 mg info - carisoprodol 350 mg shelf life

Anonymous said...

can you buy valium online no prescription valium 3926 - valium 052

Anonymous said...

valium without prescriptions buy valium glasgow - valium side effects long

Anonymous said...

order soma soma coupons printable store - generic somatropin buy

Anonymous said...

soma buy carisoprodol 350 mg tab - drug interactions soma benadryl

Anonymous said...

soma online carisoprodol 350 mg buy online - drug test soma carisoprodol

Anonymous said...

buy valium online valium side effects forum - side effects of valium 5 mg

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment buy ativan no prescription - ativan no prescription http://www.ativanonlineoffer.com/#ativan-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment buy cheap prednisone - buy generic prednisone http://www.ourdailybreadmarket.net/#buy-generic-prednisone

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment soma online pharmacy - soma pills http://www.emprendiendoideas.com/#soma-pills

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment generic ativan - buy ativan online without prescription http://www.ativanonlineoffer.com/#buy-ativan-online-without-prescription

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment meridia cost - where to buy meridia diet pills http://www.meridiaordernow.com/#where-to-buy-meridia-diet-pills

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment lorazepam no prescription - buy lorazepam online no prescription http://www.ativanonlineoffer.com/#buy-lorazepam-online-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment buy rimonabant online - acomplia 20mg pills http://www.a6soft.com/#acomplia-20mg-pills

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment cheap ventolin - generic ventolin http://www.ventolinforsaleonline.com/#generic-ventolin

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment ventolin online no prescription - buy ventolin online no prescription http://www.ventolinforsaleonline.com/#buy-ventolin-online-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment buy generic soma online no prescription - generic soma no prescription http://www.emprendiendoideas.com/#generic-soma-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment sibutramine no prescription - meridia for sale online http://www.meridiaordernow.com/#meridia-for-sale-online

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment buy ativan no prescription - ativan no prescription http://www.ativanonlineoffer.com/#ativan-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment cheap ventolin - generic ventolin http://www.ventolinforsaleonline.com/#generic-ventolin

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment cheap ventolin online - generic ventolin online http://www.ventolinforsaleonline.com/#generic-ventolin-online

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment soma medication - carisoprodol no prescription http://www.emprendiendoideas.com/#carisoprodol-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment acomplia pills - buy rimonabant online no prescription http://www.a6soft.com/#buy-rimonabant-online-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment cheap ventolin - generic ventolin http://www.ventolinforsaleonline.com/#generic-ventolin

Anonymous said...

Hientanty order buspar - order buspar online http://www.busparspecialoffer.com/

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment cheap acomplia - purchase acomplia http://www.a6soft.com/#purchase-acomplia

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment cheap soma online - generic soma online http://www.emprendiendoideas.com/#generic-soma-online

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment cheap acomplia - purchase acomplia http://www.a6soft.com/#purchase-acomplia

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Slow Love Life - Post a Comment ventolin cost - ventolin for sale http://www.ventolinforsaleonline.com/#ventolin-for-sale

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox finasteride sale - purchase finasteride online http://www.bigdocpoker.com/#generic-propecia-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox propecia cost - propecia price http://www.bigdocpoker.com/#generic-propecia-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox order zithromax online - zithromax without rx http://www.zithromaxonlineprice.com/#zithromax-without-rx

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox meridia diet pills without prescription - meridia medication http://www.amaryllisgarden.com/#meridia-medication

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox sibutramine online no prescription - meridia pills for sale http://www.amaryllisgarden.com/#meridia-pills-for-sale

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox buy imitrex - imitrex online no prescription http://www.oparticular.net/#imitrex-online-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox buy zolpidem - ambien no prescription http://topandhra.com/#ambien-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox order accutane online - buy generic accutane no prescription http://www.josoclasolucio.com/#buy-cheap-accutane

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox venlafaxine online - venlafaxine without prescription http://www.effexorcostonline.com/#venlafaxine-without-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox isotretinoin price - generic accutane http://www.josoclasolucio.com/#order-accutane

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox accutane without rx - buy roaccutane http://www.josoclasolucio.com/#accutane-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Nausea Medication Early Pregnancy prednisone cost - prednisone drug http://www.prednisone4sale.com/#prednisone-drug

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy finasteride online no prescription - propecia pills http://www.bigdocpoker.com/#order-propecia-online

Anonymous said...

Hello, meridia no prescription - buy sibutramine without prescription http://www.amaryllisgarden.com/#buy-sibutramine-without-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy isotretinoin online no prescription - isotretinoin for sale http://www.josoclasolucio.com/#isotretinoin-for-sale

Anonymous said...

Hello, meridia weight loss - meridia sale http://www.amaryllisgarden.com/#meridia-sale

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy cheap azithromycin - azithromycin sale http://www.zithromaxonlineprice.com/#azithromycin-sale

Anonymous said...

What Is The Drug Clavamox acomplia for sale - acomplia without prescription http://www.buydiscountedisotretinoin.net/#acomplia-without-prescription

Anonymous said...

Get Birth Control Pills Cheap buy rimonabant online no prescription - acomplia diet pills http://www.buydiscountedisotretinoin.net/#acomplia-diet-pills

Anonymous said...

Hello, isotretinoin without prescription - buy cheap accutane http://www.wheretobuymedsonline.com/accutane/

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy reductil - buy meridia without prescription http://www.amaryllisgarden.com/#buy-meridia-without-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hello, order isotretinoin online - buy cheap isotretinoin http://www.josoclasolucio.com/#buy-generic-accutane

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy generic ambien online - ambien for sale no prescription http://topandhra.com/#ambien-for-sale-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy sibutramine online no prescription - sibutramine diet pills http://www.amaryllisgarden.com/#sibutramine-diet-pills

Anonymous said...

Hello, generic propecia online - order propecia online no prescription http://www.wheretobuymedsonline.com/propecia/

Anonymous said...

Hello, effexor price - buy effexor online http://www.effexorcostonline.com/#buy-effexor-online

Anonymous said...

Hello, generic zithromax - zithromax pills http://www.zithromaxonlineprice.com/#zithromax-pills

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy strattera online no prescription - strattera for sale http://www.lasmaracasonline.com/#strattera-for-sale

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy generic ambien online - ambien for sale no prescription http://topandhra.com/#ambien-for-sale-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hello, generic imitrex - buy sumatriptan http://www.oparticular.net/#buy-sumatriptan

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy zithromax online no prescription - buy generic azithromycin http://www.zithromaxonlineprice.com/#buy-generic-azithromycin

Anonymous said...

Hello, order atomoxetine online - order atomoxetine http://www.lasmaracasonline.com/#order-atomoxetine

Anonymous said...

Hello, cost of lipitor - atorvastatin price http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#atorvastatin-price

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy generic lipitor - lipitor no prescription needed http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#lipitor-no-prescription-needed

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy lipitor online no prescription - price of lipitor http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#price-of-lipitor

Anonymous said...

Hello, generic lipitor price - lipitor for sale http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#lipitor-for-sale

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap generic lipitor - order lipitor http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#order-lipitor

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy atorvastatin no prescription - cheap atorvastatin online http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#cheap-atorvastatin-online

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap lipitor 40 mg - cheap lipitor online http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#cheap-lipitor-online

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap cytotec - cytotec 200mg http://www.cytotecforlessonline.net/#cytotec-200mg

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap cytotec online no prescription - cheap cytotec online http://www.cytotecforlessonline.net/#cheap-cytotec-online

Anonymous said...

Hello, cytotec without rx - misoprostol online http://www.cytotecforlessonline.net/#misoprostol-online

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy cytotec no prescription - buy misoprostol online http://www.cytotecforlessonline.net/#buy-misoprostol-online

Anonymous said...

Hello, order cytotec online - generic cytotec online http://www.cytotecforlessonline.net/#generic-cytotec-online

Anonymous said...

Hello, generic cytotec no prescription - cytotec 200 mg http://www.cytotecforlessonline.net/#cytotec-200-mg

Anonymous said...

advitleva buy generic seroquel - cheap seroquel http://www.seroqueldiscounts.com/

Anonymous said...

advitleva where to buy finasteride online - generic finasteride no prescription http://www.bestpricefinasteride.com/

Anonymous said...

advitleva seroquel without prescription - quetiapine drug http://www.seroqueldiscounts.com/

Anonymous said...

advitleva cheap generic propecia - generic propecia no prescription http://www.bestpricefinasteride.com/

Anonymous said...

advitleva purchase premarin - premarin estrogen http://www.premarindiscount.com/

Anonymous said...

Pain Medicine For Fibromyalgia buy topiramate online no prescription - cheap topamax http://www.topamaxdiscount.com/

Anonymous said...

Antimycobacterial Drugs Metabolism Excretion buy topamax - buy topamax online http://www.topamaxbetterprice.com/

Anonymous said...

Ecup Drug Test order topamax - buy topamax without prescription http://www.topamaxdiscount.com/

Anonymous said...

Multiple Images Nuclear Medicine buy topamax online no prescription - topamax online no prescription http://www.topamaxdiscount.com/

Anonymous said...

Music Drugs Sex Violence buy topiramate online no prescription - cheap topamax http://www.topamaxdiscount.com/

Anonymous said...

Review Of Psychotropic Drug Therapy order topamax no prescription - buy topiramate http://www.topamaxdiscount.com/

Anonymous said...

Veterinary Medicine Helping Humans buy topamax - buy topamax online http://www.topamaxdiscount.com/

Anonymous said...

Vioxx Drug Interaction order topamax - buy topamax without prescription http://www.topamaxbetterprice.com/

Anonymous said...

Drug Couseling Certificates topamax sale - generic topamax cost http://www.topamaxbetterprice.com/

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax valium price - cheap diazepam http://www.diazepamgenericonline.com/#cheap-diazepam

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax cipro medication - cheap ciprofloxacin http://www.ciproonlinerx.com/#cheap-ciprofloxacin

Anonymous said...

Snow Slang Drug purchase topamax no prescription - purchase topamax http://www.topamaxbetterprice.com/

Anonymous said...

Top 5 Acne Medications buy topamax online no prescription - topamax online no prescription http://www.topamaxforless.com/

Anonymous said...

Diet Pills Phendimetrazine buy topiramate online no prescription - cheap topamax http://www.topamaxbetterprice.com/

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax buy generic acomplia - generic acomplia rimonabant http://www.acompliadietpillcheap.com/#generic-acomplia-rimonabant

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax fluconazole online - buy fluconazole online no prescription http://www.diflucanonlineprice.com/#buy-fluconazole-online-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Iupui School Of Medicine topamax without rx - topamax weight loss http://www.topamaxdiscount.com/

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax purchase ciprofloxacin - purchase cipro http://www.ciproonlinerx.com/#purchase-cipro

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax cost of strattera - strattera online pharmacy http://www.stratterabestprice.com/#strattera-online-pharmacy

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax buy cheap plavix - cheap plavix pills http://www.plavixonlinediscount.com/#cheap-plavix-pills

Anonymous said...

Medication And Herbs provigil cost - modafinil online http://www.bearmania.net/, [url=http://www.bearmania.net/]provigil price [/url]

Anonymous said...

Medication Fda Trials Anti-radiation cost of valtrex - purchase valtrex http://www.cogccc.org/, [url=http://www.cogccc.org/]buy valtrex without prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

Elderly Lack Appetite Medication buy sumatriptan without prescription - order sumatriptan online http://www.brawr.net/ - [url=http://www.brawr.net/]buy imitrex without prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

Ethex Tablets cheap diflucan no prescription - generic diflucan no prescription http://www.aftermarketcaddy.com/, [url=http://www.aftermarketcaddy.com/]cost of diflucan [/url]

Anonymous said...

Get Drugs Quick And Easy provigil sale - provigil medication http://www.inthedetailsblog.com/, [url=http://www.inthedetailsblog.com/]cheap modafinil [/url]

Anonymous said...

Mens Penes Enhansment Pills generic lasix no prescription - lasix online http://www.sunflowerocity.com/, [url=http://www.sunflowerocity.com/]furosemide 40 mg [/url]

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 588   Newer› Newest»