It’s a truism that men never outgrew their fixation on their mothers’ breasts. But I’m beginning to think the same thing holds true for women. As a co-founder of Moms Clean Air Force, I’ve ventured into the online world of self-styled “mommy bloggers.” Theirs is a rich, exciting, provocative community–and it is full of excellent writing. I only wish I had had such company when I was a new mom.
But I’ve been stunned by the vitriol around breastfeeding. It has gotten to the point that many writers simply won’t write about the subject anymore, because of the feeding frenzy (so to speak) of flamers that attack the bloggers, no matter what their position on breast-feeding.
Sisters, sisters! Let me insert a few words from my end of motherhood: children grown up and out of the house.
Breastfeeding is NOT an issue we should be dividing on, as women and mothers. Lactivists are necessary heroines–when they’re focusing on what can be done to make nursing mothers feel safe and comfortable, and make breast-feeding easier. Moms shouldn’t have to fight the culture to do what comes naturally.
But breastfeeding has to remain a laissez-faire situation, to each her own. Many women are comfortable with breastfeeding anywhere and everywhere. Great! It wasn’t that long ago, in the 80s, when I was breast feeding my sons, that I had to sit in the bathrooms of restaurants, because it was considered unseemly to feed them, even covered, at the table. Yuck. I rejoice that our society is more open now; that breastfeeding in public isn’t such a taboo.
Yes, the breast is a sexual organ, but it is more, too. Drape it if you’re modest–or if others around you are. Be considerate of prepubescent and adolescent boys, otherwise digging for back issues of Victoria’s Secrets. It doesn’t have to be more complicated.
Flaunt it if you must prove your exuberance about your body. And for those in the audience–if it bothers you, look the other way. Or get comfortable with your fascination, and analyze why, exactly, you are fixated on that breastfeeding mom. Try to remember being a baby yourself. Just don’t start acting like one.
There are women who cannot breastfeed, for various reasons. Be compassionate. Don’t judge. They aren’t lesser moms; their children will not necessarily be lesser world citizens–or have lesser brain power.
And some women simply do not want to breastfeed. So? Suckle and let suckle by other means. Breastfeeding does not warrant conversion fervor. I don’t believe any study that “proves” can isolate breast feeding as the factor that makes children perform better academically. That’s just silly–and poor science; it ignores too many contributing factors.
Back when formula manufacturers were trying to convince moms that their stuff was better than breast milk, breastfeeding became a politicized issue. But we know better now. We have a choice. That’s what counts: The choice.
How about moms take the breastfeeders’ righteous passion, and spread it around to other topics.
Here’s what is worth getting VERY worked up about:
Being a mom is tons of work. We’re all in this crazy-tough business of mothering together. You may feel alone with an infant now, but believe me, you’ll be getting strength from your village for years to come. We all have a lot to learn from one another.
And guess what? You think the breastfeeding thing is tricky? Its nothing compared to what’s coming up!
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