I've brought up the Big Burn a couple of times with people at dinner parties--strangers, mostly. It starts conversations. You never know who keeps diaries, and it turns out the most unlikely people have the habit. One man, a fierce and brilliant litigator, who has been keeping journals since he was a child, told me with anger and disbelief that I had committed a form of suicide. Whoa there.
In an odd way, this blog has taken the place of keeping diaries--not that it is anywhere near as revealing, of course. But writing to publish--rather than writing to hide--forces me to give shape to inchoate longings and confused stirrings. And to share joy.
The very act of sitting down to write means you have a beginning. The writing pushes you on towards an ending. Or at least, a resolution.
It will be years before I know what exactly I was doing when I raked up that burn pile. But I do know what I am listening to while I think further on it. Here's a playlist for the essay. Clamp on headphones, reading and listening playtime 10 minutes! You won't get this experience from the New York Times version. At least not yet, anyway.
We start with Talking Heads, Burning Down the House. "Watch out, you might get what you’re after…." I am an unregenerately devoted Talking Heads fan. "All content. No action." I vividly remember when they slinked into CBGB from RISD in the seventies, and lit a bonfire in the music scene. David Byrne, an impassioned activist, is a Slow Love Life Household God. And I love his book, Bicycle Diairies. It helped me understand why my son Alex loves to ride so much. As I watch those early music videos my heart does a little flippy contraction...how young we all were.
The mood turns more somber. What, exactly, was in those diary pages? The music says it all; my lifetime playlist would be a very long scroll, but here's a tiny excerpt. Start with Bonnie Raitt’s Storm Warning, a song I have listened to about a thousand times. It still brings tears to my eyes. "Can't stop a river, when it's burst its banks. I wonder how long it's gonna take to get over this heartbreak?"
Does everyone go through periods in their lives characterized by hours of grief-stricken stupor in front of a speaker, hitting REPLAY....REPLAY....REPLAY....?
I got sidetracked into Hunter Hayes’ Storm Warning because browsing through YouTube is like being lost in the card catalogue at the library. You never know what you're going to stumble onto. I have lost marvelous hours scrolling through music videos on YouTube.
I Can't Make You Love Me done by Bon Iver, with whom I am now obsessed. Lost in the Woods captures the way I often feel--lost, but with wonder and beauty. He turns feeling lost into a state of grace.
Then I moved into Dimming of the Day, by Richard Thompson, another song I have listened to about a thousand times. It may well have been my theme song for entire years. I just found a version Raitt sang with Thompson, and died and went to Heaven. Then I found a recording by David Gilmour; I had never heard this one either. It is completely different, smoother, somehow, and not so full of pain, but it is still lovely, and his voice is gorgeous.
Another in my REPLAY category, when I'm in a panic of loss: Emmylous Harris singing Leonard Cohen's Ballad of a Runaway Horse. "Some say love is like smoke, beyond all repair." In the small hours of one of those replay nights, having spent hours just gazing into a fire, I pulled a piece of charcoal from the embers and scribbled that over my hearth, where it remained for years.
Another in my REPLAY category, when I'm in a panic of loss: Emmylous Harris singing Leonard Cohen's Ballad of a Runaway Horse. "Some say love is like smoke, beyond all repair." In the small hours of one of those replay nights, having spent hours just gazing into a fire, I pulled a piece of charcoal from the embers and scribbled that over my hearth, where it remained for years.
And just because I cannot resist Steve Earle either, here he is with the beloved Emmylou Harris singing Goodbye.
You have to pull yourself out of a tailspin before you crash: Jonathan Richman got my feet moving. I remembered how much I loved to put on a tune, and dance my heart out--even if I was alone. Must we get old and give up such private frenzies? Never! We need more parties in the USA.
You have to pull yourself out of a tailspin before you crash: Jonathan Richman got my feet moving. I remembered how much I loved to put on a tune, and dance my heart out--even if I was alone. Must we get old and give up such private frenzies? Never! We need more parties in the USA.
And were those books full of heartbreak? Of course not. You don't get there without the joy. For the rest of my life, I will wear my love like heaven, thanks Donovan.
As the embers glow, and I think about burning the diaries, I come round full circle to Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime. "You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?...You may ask yourself, am I right, am I wrong?"
And guess what? You'll never know the answer.
No matter what you're burning through, music makes it better. Take an hour or two to dance today!
And guess what? You'll never know the answer.
No matter what you're burning through, music makes it better. Take an hour or two to dance today!
532 comments:
1 – 200 of 532 Newer› Newest»MDYStPxIIT [url=http://www.jouercasinos.com/]casino en ligne francais Sulema [/url] qYMRX PMTG XvaROtrZMILzvkOtE pmvOx casino en ligne francais Vi TOMMSQCL zq CUyHhVe http://www.jouercasinos.com
[url=http://cialisacquisto24.com/#swww.blogger.com]acquisto cialis[/url], acquisto cialis, http://cialisacquisto24.com/#iwww.blogger.com cialis 20
[url=http://cialisacquisto24.com/#nwww.blogger.com]acquisto cialis[/url], cialis, http://cialisacquisto24.com/#dwww.blogger.com acquisto cialis
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#70642]cialis senza ricetta[/url], cialis acquistare, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#54598 cialis senza ricetta
UGGS Butte Boots, Great for Winter Time ugg sale UGG boots is definitely the most well-preferred pick on winter months time nowadays cheap ugg Ugg Boots - the wonderful sneakers and the hottest about a contact of fashion and trend! ugg boots sale
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#50027]comprare cialis[/url], cialis comprare, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#61796 cialis ricetta medica
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#23607]cialis[/url], cialis, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#83221 cialis
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#12985]viagra online[/url], acquisto viagra, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#79799 acquisto viagra generico
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#14583]cialis[/url], cialis ricetta medica, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#74891 cialis senza ricetta
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#32750]cialis[/url], cialis, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#60555 costo cialis
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#74915]cialis comprare[/url], cialis, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#88731 cialis costo
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#18887]cialis prezzo[/url], cialis costo, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#88661 cialis
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#43096]acquistare cialis[/url], cialis, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#79029 cialis
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#5664]cialis comprare[/url], cialis, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#97545 acquisto cialis
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#68836]cialis costo[/url], comprare cialis, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#39771 cialis
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#5786]cialis[/url], cialis online, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#94587 cialis
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#94920]cialis[/url], cialis acquistare, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#8704 cialis prezzo
[url=http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#91267]cialis[/url], cialis, http://acquistocialisfacile.com/#81240 costo cialis
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#84081]viagra online[/url], viagra, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#81370 acquisto viagra in italia
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#86005]viagra[/url], acquisto viagra online sicuro, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#99268 acquisto viagra online reato
[url=http://bit.ly/pagaxx]finanziamento online auto[/url] prestito senza busta paga findomestic, http://bit.ly/pagaxx prestiti senza busta paga
[url=http://bit.ly/pagaxx]finanziamento senza busta paga riservato agli studenti[/url] prestiti senza busta paga online, http://bit.ly/pagaxx prestiti senza busta paga
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#31339]viagra[/url], viagra, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#55567 acquisto viagra in italia
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#17946]viagra[/url], viagra, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#80654 acquisto viagra generico
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#56393]viagra[/url], viagra online, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#84441 acquisto viagra sicuro
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#53866]viagra online[/url], viagra, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#99686 acquisto viagra
[url=http://bit.ly/pagaxx]finanziamento senza busta paga riservato agli studenti[/url] finanziamenti senza busta paga e garante, http://bit.ly/pagaxx prestiti online forum
[url=http://bit.ly/pagaxx]prestiti senza busta paga[/url] finanziamento online, http://bit.ly/pagaxx finanziamento senza busta paga agos
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#92319]viagra[/url], viagra online, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#39677 acquisto viagra generico
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#53400]acquisto viagra[/url], acquisto viagra, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#26482 acquisto viagra
[url=http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#62264]viagra[/url], viagra, http://viagraacquistoitalia.com/#47230 acquisto viagra online reato
[url=https://bit.ly/S1xDOb]paphos car rental[/url], paphos car hire, https://bit.ly/S1xDOb car hire paphos
[url=https://bit.ly/S1xDOb]car rental paphos[/url], paphos car rental, https://bit.ly/S1xDOb avis car hire paphos
[url=http://osiak.net/#48820]viagra online[/url], viagra, http://osiak.net/#97440 acquisto viagra
viagra online, acquisto viagra, http://osiak.net/#17406 sildenafil
discount vicodin buy vicodin online overnight shipping - vicodin for sore throat
buy ambien cost ambien cr 12.5 - how do i purchase ambien online with no prescription
ambien ambien blood pressure medication - ambien effect rem sleep
buy ambien online cheapest place buy ambien cr - buy ambien online with prescription
buy valium online no prescription valium schedule 3 drug - what are valium pills for
buy valium effects of valium and alcohol mixed - drug interactions tramadol valium
how to buy adderall online buy adderall online reddit - adderall online forum
ambien cheap 3 ambien cr - buy ambien online
buy cheap adderall buy adderall com - where can i order real adderall online
cheap ambien no prescription ambien side effects driving - ambien high description
buy valium valium 5mg for flying - cheap valium from india
cheap valium online no prescription valium mg - valium generic trade name
buy valium buy valium online no prescription canada - where to order valium online
order adderall buy adderall online overnight - where to order adderall online
vicodin online prescription buy generic vicodin online - vicodin kidney pain
ambien sale treatment of ambien withdrawal - generic ambien online + no prescription
generic vicodin order vicodin online uk - vicodin feeling
where to buy vicodin vicodin detox - generic vicodin online no prescription
buy ambien online ambien pill sleeping - purchase ambien no prescription
buy adderall buy adderall us - can i buy adderall online
buy valium online valium 5mg street price - generic term valium
buy valium generic valium pill - purchase valium online overnight
buy adderall online how to buy adderall online forum - buy adderall prescription
vicodin side effects vicodin 650/10 - buy online vicodin no prescription
buy vicodin no prescription generic vicodin information - vicodin urine drug test
ambien online ambien side effects stories - ambien side effects blood pressure
buy tramadol cod overnight cheap tramadol - tramadol 714
legal to buy vicodin generic vicodin 10mg - vicodin 7.5/500
ambien drug buy ambien cr no prescription - ambien side effects memory
buy tramadol buy cheap tramadol on line - buy discount tramadol
where to buy vicodin vicodin recreational use - vicodin pharmacy reviews
brand valium valium medication wiki - valium 471
tramadol online overnight order tramadol florida - buy tramadol hydrochloride 50mg
generic vicodin vicodin and xanax - buy vicodin 7.5
buy valium buy valium forum - valium vs xanax high
buy alprazolam online no prescription 1mg klonopin compared 1mg xanax - order xanax online free
vicodin online vicodin drug class - cvs pharmacy vicodin
zolpidem drug order generic ambien online - generic ambien cr photos
buy vicodin no rx vicodin composition - buy vicodin online prescription
ambien for sale no prescription major drug interactions ambien - vicodin ambien and alcohol
tramadol online buy tramadol 100 - tramadol y ketorolaco
buy vicodin online vicodin zanaflex - vicodin discontinued
buy valium valium 48 12 - valium side effects memory
order tramadol online cod tramadol dosage information - buy tramadol next day delivery
buy valium valium purchase - buy valium uk next day delivery
buy vicodin online no prescription buy vicodin visa - generic vicodin street price
order ambien ambien purple pill - ambien and pregnancy 2011
xanax alprazolam xanax dosage half life - overdose on xanax how much
buy vicodin online vicodin high effects - order vicodin online without a rx
ambien online can you buy ambien online - buy ambien sleeping pills usa
buy tramadol tramadol high bluelight - best site purchase tramadol
cheap vicodin online buy vicodin san diego - vicodin yellow 3601
buy valium where to purchase valium online - 5mg valium street price
buy tramadol buy tramadol generic ultram - 3 tramadol high
buy vicodin online vicodin online blog - vicodin hp online
where to buy valium valium effects in children - valium for high blood pressure
how to buy vicodin online order vicodin mastercard - ordering vicodin online no prescription
ambien online ambien cr 7 day - ambien noise generator online free
generic tramadol tramadol 50mg dogs - tramadol online forum
buy hydrocodone what is the best way to order hydrocodone online - hydrocodone bitartrate generic name
where to buy vicodin generic vicodin watson - buy vicodin nyc
buy tramadol without a script buy tramadol hcl online - buy tramadol hcl
valium online canada best place to buy valium online uk - buy valium 20mg online
hydrocodone prescription online how to buy hydrocodone in canada - generic hydrocodone high dose
tramadol online buy tramadol generic ultram - buy tramadol uk
buy valium 1 mg valium effects - buy valium online uk no prescription
buy tramadol buy tramadol ultram - buy tramadol online saturday delivery
buy vicodin vicodin 6469 - does generic vicodin have asprin
buy tramadol no rx online pharmacy with tramadol - tramadol high blood pressure medication
order vicodin house twenty vicodin online free - generic vicodin vs real vicodin
order tramadol overnight tramadol not working - buy tramadol health solutions
buy tramadol online ez tramadol order status - tramadol hcl 50 mg picture
buy vicodin buy valium vicodin online - can you buy vicodin
buy tramadol buy tramadol cheap no prescription - tramadol hcl street price
ambien order ambien withdrawal topix - drug interactions zoloft ambien
vicodin prescription generic for vicodin - buy vicodin online forum
buy tramadol buy tramadol 200mg online - трамадол что это
buy xanax valium online florida does generic valium pill look like - 10 mg diazepam generic valium
ambien online generic ambien cost without insurance - ambien 79 e
buy online vicodin buy vicodin 10mg - mexican vicodin pharmacy
buy tramadol online cheap tramadol online cheap - tramadol reactions
buy hydrocodone online can order hydrocodone - buy hydrocodone online cheap no prescription
order vicodin generic vicodin effects - buy vicodin over counter
buy tramadol tramadol bluelight - tramadol kick in time
valium price buy valium online no prescription uk - picture of valium pill
ambien sale ambien positive drug screen - ambien 10mg tablet
hydrocodone online safe buy hydrocodone online - generic hydrocodone rectal
order vicodin buy vicodin pills online - vicodin m357
buy tramadol online with mastercard illegal buy ultram online - cheap tramadol no prescription
buy valium valium 5mg no prescription - drug.com valium
zolpidem without prescription ambien cr drug screen - ambien side effects overdose
online hydrocodone hydrocodone/acetaminophen tab 5-500mg - hydrocodone acetaminophen blood thinner
can you really buy xanax online xanax dosage yahoo answers - xanax overdose pupils
buy tramadol online mastercard overnight tramadol dosage vicodin - tramadol dosage guidelines
buy valium overnight delivery valium side effects sweating - valium to ativan conversion
ambien for sale online generic ambien cost at walmart - zolpidem generic for ambien
vicodin no prescription vicodin new strength - can you buy vicodin
buy tramadol buy tramadol online - buy tramadol hydrochloride
buy valium uk valium side effects yahoo - valium to dogs dosage
buy ambien online can i order ambien online - ambien side effects with alcohol
buy valium buy valium from thailand - 10mg valium before dentist
buy xanax online easy overdose xanax alcohol - buy xanax online from india
buy ambien online ambien facts - effectiveness generic ambien cr
order vicodin online pharmacy vicodin ibuprofen - generic vicodin cost
order tramadol online tramadol 50mg effects - tramadol 083 kali
valium online pharmacy valium lorazepam same drug - buy generic valium online
how to buy hydrocodone order hydrocodone online no prescription - generic hydrocodone vs name brand
xanax online high on xanax like - best place to buy xanax online no prescription
ambien online ambien cr lunesta - what does generic ambien cr look like
buy tramadol online tramadol hcl + kidney - rx europe online pharmacy tramadol
vicodin online purchase buy vicodin us - vicodin drug
hydrocodone effects hydrocodone for sale online no prescription - hydrocodone acetaminophen 5-325 street price
buy xanax online order xanax online free - list generic names xanax
adderall xr generic adderall doesn't work - buy adderall online canada
buy ambien online ambien side effects - ambien side effects tiger woods
cheap tramadol tramadol-on-line.com - cheap tramadol without rx
buy vicodin online no prescription vicodin kidney disease - vicodin quit
alprazolam buy xanax anxiety medication - xanax er side effects
buy valium valium drug reactions - valium street value 5mg
ambien cost ambien cr in generic - ambien 10 mg dice
xanax online order xanax mastercard - what does 1mg xanax do
buy vicodin vicodin while nursing - generic vicodin expiration
buy adderall no prescription adderall pills cheap - buy adderall yahoo answers
valium sale buy valium without no prescription - generic pictures of valium
buy cheap hydrocodone buy hydrocodone es - generic hydrocodone pill identifier
buy xanax online cheap which generic xanax is best - xanax withdrawal between doses
buy vicodin order cheap vicodin online - vicodin recreational dose
cheap generic valium valium side effects cats - what is valium high
buy hydrocodone can order hydrocodone online - hydrocodone qualitest
buy valium valium for anxiety and depression - valium diazepam
hydrocodone overdose get hydrocodone online - hydrocodone acetaminophen blood thinner
buy tramadol online cod legal to buy ultram online - tramadol online doctor
zolpidem no prescription ambien cr zolpidem - sleepwalking talking ambien
ambien on line buy ambien online europe - buy ambien bangkok
buy tramadol mastercard tramadol 50mg better than vicodin - трамадол капли
ambien pharmacy buy ambien online paypal - ambien cr ingredients
buy xanax no prescription xanax dosage to valium - xanax recreational use effects
xanax medication xanax and alcohol liver damage - buy xanax online uk
hydrocodone side effects hydrocodone-acetaminophen oral dosage - can buy hydrocodone online
buy tramadol free shipping buy tramadol overnight delivery no prescription - tramadol ultram pregnancy
buy tramadol mastercard tramadol overdose in dogs - tramadol withdrawal how long does it last
where can i buy ambien online ambien high how long - ambien pharmacy no prescription
valium online valium narcotic drug - buy valium sleeping tablets
ambien cheap ambien without rx - ambien cr safe during pregnancy
ambien 10 mg ambien vs generic ambien - ambien fun
buy valium valium online nz - buy valium online us pharmacy
buy xanax how long does a xanax high last - xanax dosage wiki
buy ambien online ambien generic 10 mg - price of generic ambien cr
xanax cheap xanax kidney pain - xanax 031 side effects
generic ambien generic ambien medication - generic ambien online pharmacy
xanax without a perscription xanax 2mg sale - mask xanax drug test
order xanax generic yellow xanax bars - buy xanax pfizer online
zolpidem online ambien overdose long - ambien drug interactions
buy zolpidem buy ambien online reviews - ambien cr 12.5 mg
buy ambien list side effects ambien cr - drug interactions lortab ambien
buy xanax xanax causing anxiety - xanax 90
valium online no prescription valium drug class - valium and anxiety disorder
buy generic xanax online buy xanax online pharmacy no prescription - xanax overdose withdrawal
ambien online ambien withdrawal night sweats - can take ambien cr xanax
ambien ambien side effects wikipedia - ambience mall gurgaon wiki
buy tramadol without rx tramadol 100mg online overnight - tramadol for dogs whining
order valium valium side effects erectile - drug company makes valium
discount ambien side effects generic form ambien - buy generic ambien no prescription
buy xanax valium online florida do xanax pills go bad - recreational use of xanax
buy tramadol for dogs beat tramadol addiction - tramadol for dogs same as humans
Post a Comment